Something I've begun to pick up on is that emetophobia brings out the worst in me. On IES recently, in particular with us recently getting over norovirus season, there have been a lot of posts about how we need to consider what we're saying - it's not anyone else's problem, we're the ones who don't like vomit, we shouldn't be so nasty towards people who bring their illnesses out in public, and those who put vomit in movies/TV don't do it as a personal attack on emets. All of which is true, although for me, trying to keep these thoughts at bay is easier said than done. I find that when I'm scared, I become very nasty and I honestly think that's a way of coping - if I get angry, I can't break down in fear, if I go off on one about how people are dirty and disgusting, it makes me feel that little bit better. And I understand that's not healthy, but when I'm scared, I'll do anything to make that go away.
For example, I have a hatred - and I'm talking 100% pure irrational, nasty hatred for people who don't wash their hands after going to the toilet. I know that it's not a personal attack on me, I know people don't do it out of spite to piss me off or try and make me ill, but I'm ashamed to say it winds me up to the point where I look down on people for it and become a truly nasty person. I know some people are lazy, some don't understand basic hygiene, and others are just forgetful, but if I know of someone who doesn't wash their hands after using the toilet, my mind immediately goes to the assumption that they're a bad person.
But seriously, why is it so hard? I am hard wired to do it every time I go to the toilet, that's just what you do, that's what you're taught to do. Excuses like "I don't always have time" are bullshit - a good, proper handwashing takes 30 seconds. That's it. If you're saying you don't have an extra 30 seconds spare when you use the bathroom then you must have a pretty hectic life. Just sit and spare the thought that if you don't wash your hands then you have the chance of making someone ill. And that someone may suffer from the horrible condition that is emetophobia, a phobia where a lot of people given the choice would rather die than v*. If only people thought of that.
Again I guess this is going back to the point that we can't expect everyone to cater to our phobia. If people catered to every phobia then no one would do anything. And while we can't expect people to be sensitive about our issues, we should and do expect some decent personal hygiene.
I shall offer a little scenario that's happening right this minute - we're getting a new boiler today after 2 weeks without heating or hot water (that's another rant for another day), and the plumber used the toilet earlier, and he clearly did not wash his hands. How do I know? I live in a flat, the bathroom is directly opposite the living room - bad news that if you're in the living room you can hear the whole 'performance' of whoever's in there. In the time between the flushing of the toilet and the opening of the door there was absolutely no way he could have washed his hands, full stop. Now, while I should be grateful that he's out here, fixing our heating on a Saturday, all I can think of is the joy I will get when he leaves and how I can Dettol the shit out of every single door handle in this place, all the radiators, and just in case, everything in the room where he's putting the new boiler. I have to throw away the bottle of face scrub in there that he clearly moved out of the way and I have to bleach the decorative items I have in there, because all I can see is a sort of green coating over them - like in that episode of Scrubs (S5 - My Cabbage) that I must disinfect the hell out of. I even made my other half make him tea in the cups the landlord left for us which we never use just in case.
I know this is not healthy, but this is my mind right now. Truth be told since this norovirus season apparently being the worst for a number of years, my phobia has worsened so much. If I drop something on the floor, before I would simply wash it and put it back. Now, if I drop something, I throw it away in case washing it didn't kill the germs. I'm fully aware I need some help because I fear it will turn into full blown OCD if I let it keep taking hold like this. I'm at the point where I don't like 'unusual' people coming into my home because I don't know where their hands have been. My mum is fine, my friends are fine - they know what I'm like - but anyone else - I'd attack them with bleach and boiling water if it wouldn't be classed as assault.
I'm starting to think of having a sign in my hallway - "Wash your hands, an emetophobe lives here." I guess there isn't really a point to this entry today, just some things I wanted to get off my chest. I hope I don't come across as nasty, that was not my intention! All I have left to say is this: If you're reading this and you're one of THEM, wash your hands. Properly.
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